i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
