if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
