Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
pray to the hookup gods
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
