i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just want nice things and good sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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