oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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