so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Its about making memories worth repressing
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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