So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
