i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
