I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Four minutes until I can fart!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
