i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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