Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
3 2 1 whiskey
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
