if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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