What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
