I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
