there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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