I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
