im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
