so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
