the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
