Kiss
Puke
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
