im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
