The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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