i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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