Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
