i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
