its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
