I think i peed on brittanys purse
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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