Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
