one might say we're banned from that church
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
