yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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