He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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