she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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