I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
