I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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