No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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