i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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