We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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