yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
