Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
