just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh god it's open bar.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
