Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
