Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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