im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
