my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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