my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
