My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
