k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
