i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
