dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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