I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
